I didn’t want to post this at first, but after thinking about it for the past few days, I’ve decided theBIGGERpicture should be a transparent blog. A blog that reveals the truth. The following post was written a few days ago….
So I’ve been here one month and today is the first day I feel like total crap. I guess that’s a pretty good statistic. The beggars, office politics, corruption, harassment and racism that I’ve experienced daily is finally making a small dent on my optimism.
I was walking yesterday with Tania from work to the gym, and an Ethiopian man in his traditional dress cut across my path, turned and spat at me. Though his disgusting spit did not land on me, it only missed by centimeters. And, he had the nerve to stare right into my eyes the whole time. I just ignored him and kept forging ahead, but inside I could feel a fire burning uncontrollably.
I know this is not from God, but right now I am still so enraged! I think back into my past and I remember exactly how I would deal with racial comments, discrimination and unjust incidences. Those were the youngan days when I let stubbornness blind me. But today I wish I wasn’t as tolerant as I am now. Where did that bite go?! Or, where did that inner bitch go? Thank God.
It’s weird how I’ve had so many great days here and have been the recipient of numerous Ethiopian random acts of kindness, yet I let being spat at really affect me like this. Perhaps it was his gaze, a disgusted gaze that I will never forget. A racist gaze. What did he have against Chinese people anyway? What did he have against me? Did I deserve to be spat at (he was going for my face). Moreover, when I shared this incident with my Ethiopian friends they just dismissed it. They found ways to justify random spitting and argued how it must’ve been a coincidence. They made it sound like I lied. Geez. Is it so hard to believe that there could be a bad Ethiopian on the streets? Man, I need to dive into the cold pool at the gym.
Anyhow, only today have I questioned why I subjected myself to stuff like this. Why did I travel to Africa to be discriminated? Why this, why that… I don’t have the answers to any of these questions, but I know I trust God. Things happen for a reason. I’m just happy “Ethiopia” happened to me. 
No one said it was going to be easy. If it was, everyone would be a CIDA intern.
I rolled out of bed this morning and I was so tempted to call a trusted cab to pick me up for work. I didn’t feel like braving the crowds or their curious murmurs. Nor did I want to be called “China” 25 times during my 30 minute commute. I just wasn’t in the mood. In the end, I put on my hiking shoes and walked to the Minibus stop. I will not let one isolated incident deter me from having a fulfilling experience here. I will not generalize. I will not let ignorance win. Everyday is a new day, with new and beautiful things waiting for us to discover and appreciate.
Lord, please forgive me. Give me the strength to make it somehow. Somehow so far away from home.
Wow, yea thats pretty harsh. I’m glad you did put this on here, because its still a part of your experience, and just sugar coating it, and making your time here seem all easy wouldn’t be, as you said transparent. Actually, I just posted on your facebook, thinking that there was no confrontation with you being there.
Haha, inner bitch! thats funny, sometimes I think that too, has living like a Christian means that people can just walk over you because we’re supposed to turn the other cheek? Nooo way. Being full of grace and being weak are entirely different. It’s really awesome to see that God is shaping you in this way
haha we all have an inner fire. I dont think feeling anger for that is wrong. After all God is angry when people do evil things. But you I think you kept your anger ‘righteous’ because you didn’t act on it, or you didn’t try to repay the guy for his flying saliva. And you instead gave ur emotion to God and continued on your journey. Now THAT’S admirable. Keep it up!!
It will be hard when u r in a place u r not familiar with so be strong and
hang in there! 加油 加油 加油! Miss having u in TO! Please take care of
yourself.
I am sorry a guy spit at you and I admire the strength you had to just walk past him like that but being an Ethiopian and knowing the culture better i dont think it was out of racism he did that maybe he hated women or he begged u for money and u didnt understand what he siad and walked passed u or if he is an elderly man he might not like the way you dressed and thought Ethiopians wear western clothing by looking at you( i think u said he was wearing traditional wear). This great Algerian author once said we focus on what we think is our discriminated part because u are not only chinese but a woman,a young woman,a young christian woman u know the list goes on. I am sure u also know that what we focus on becomes our reality… And people call you china everywhere on the road not because they hate chinese ppl but those are ppl who like mocking ppl for no reason if they see a white person they would say Ferenji if they see an indiian they would say hinde if they see…u know the list goes on here too…
Keep on expriencing whatever here i teel u it is a great mysterious country…I havent understood it fully yet but i hope to learn more…keep the faith alive and keep on keepin on
Chaw!
“Inner bitch”… haha. I know this happened a while ago, but I just came across this now. If I have an achilles heel… it’s definitely revenge, so I totally understand the indignity that you felt and the urge to respond.
I think that this is just an indication that God is working something in your life and that your old way of dealing with things is just that… old. And you, in God’s power, are changing. Actually that’s exactly what Genesis’ theme is for this year… Transformation: Renewed Thinking, Reformed LIving. Looks like you’re experiencing that with us even though you’re across the pond. It makes you feel not so far away. Proud of you though… always so proud.
…. =s
i’m so sorry for what happened to you… i really pray that God will show is will there for you… if He hasn’t… there’s always a reason for things… wish i can be there for you…
praying for you!!
I ask your forgiveness as an Ethiopian. I am so sorry for what happened. If you see when most Ethiopians having hard time to accept the fact, please don’t hold any bad feeling. I, myself, growing up in Ethiopia might say that to you, but that is not the whole point. it is more about what you felt than what we think might have happened. Ethiopians are very hospitable to the extent sometimes others consider as “accepting inferiority” those who doesn’t a thing about our culture. When i was a kid we did the same thing, calling someone with his association, but i can tell you this from the bottom my heart, it was not and is not ill intentioned, it is more being childish and i apologized for that. May God be with you!